My Spiritual Journey

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T00:24:00.001-05:00

1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. 2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) 3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. 4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) 5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. 6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. 12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. 16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. 17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. 18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. 20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

Remembering the reason...

May you all have a joyous Christmas

If not me, who? If not now, when?

2009-12-15T20:25:00.003-05:00

Perhaps it's the season... the celebration of Christ's birth that has turned into anything but a day to remember and be glad of His coming into this world.

Perhaps it's simply a natural next step for me.

Perhaps it's because I've reached that point in my life, the point beyond which there is no room. I can't stand by and watch my faith diminished and dismissed by those who do not believe in anything but themselves. Perhaps I'm tired of hearing how, 'as long as you're not hurting anyone' whatever immoral, damaging behavior a person wishes to indulge in is acceptable.

Whatever the reason, this is part of my stand:

MANHATTAN DECLARATION

A Summary

Christians, when they have lived up to the highest ideals of their faith, have defended the weak and vulnerable and worked tirelessly to protect and strengthen vital institutions of civil society, beginning with the family. We are Orthodox, Catholic, and evangelical Christians who have united at this hour to reaffirm fundamental truths about justice and the common good, and to call upon our fellow citizens, believers and non-believers alike, to join us in defending them. These truths are (1) the sanctity of human life, (2) the dignity of marriage as the conjugal union of husband and wife, and (3) the rights of conscience and religious liberty. Inasmuch as these truths are foundational to human dignity and the well-being of society, they are inviolable and non-negotiable. Because they are increasingly under assault from powerful forces in our culture, we are compelled today to speak out forcefully in their defense, and to commit ourselves to honoring them fully no matter what pressures are brought upon us and our institutions to abandon or compromise them. We make this commitment not as partisans of any political group but as followers of Jesus Christ, the crucified and risen Lord, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

There's a link in place at the top of this blog. I encourage you to check it out.

I've written here about how I have the overwhelming sense that there is something fundementally wrong in this country; we ARE sick and it is a sickness of mind, body, and spirit yet we are encouraged to focus on anything and everything but the spiritual.

God is real. Jesus was born, lived, and died for us.

The least we can do is accept and acknowledge the gift the likes of which the world will never see again.

To you, Lord. For you, Lord.

What an amazing experience.

2009-08-24T18:52:00.004-04:00

My silence here is a reflection of where things have been for me, faith-wise. I've been plugging along, not overly active, engaged, or excited about my journey. I've been one-day-at-a-timing it.

Then, today, I met spirituality in an unexpected place.

The specifics aren't really that important. It's the results that have left me in a far better place than I've been in a long time.

I feel like I've moved a step closer to understand myself, which can only lead to a deeper, more meaningful understand of my relationship with God.

I've said this before - my struggles with my faith are not cause by God; they are my fault. I firmly believe that and after today, I believe it even more.

Spiritually, I take too much on to myself. I want to spare my family and friends so I try to shoulder their pain and worries. As a result, I end up feeling beat down. But, their problems are not my burden to bear.

I need to cast off the negative energy and concentrate on my own journey.

But, today has led me to another question, or maybe it's the same question but refocused.

Is religion different from spirituality?

Today was an extremely spiritual day.

As I said, I at peace, energized and renewed.

I feel God's presence.

Whichever it was, if it even truly matters, it was an amazing experience and I'm sure God approves.

Role Models?

2009-06-01T08:33:00.003-04:00

Pastor Bill Shuler, in an article over at the Fox Forum listed the following ten reason for why we are losing our role models:

1. Honorable people are sometimes demonized for taking a stand for morality and values in the public arena.

2. High profile scandals in sports, politics and religion have jaded us.

3. Fewer dads are present in the home.

4. For so many of us, success in our culture has been defined as fame, fortune and power.

5. Image often trumps character.

6. Indulgence replaces sacrifice.

7. Self-discipline is a less-practiced art.

8. Self-seeking is an over-practiced art.

9. Some find “family values” to be a political code word rather than an ideal to be embraced.

10. Good people with deep convictions remain silent.

Given my last post, I'd have to admit to being guilty of number 10. I hope I won't do it again and I'm going to try not to but that's the most I can say until I'm tested.

As for the rest, it's all pretty much true, isn't it? We've become a nation of whiney, self-indulgent people caught up on the image of what life should be like. That big house? Gotta have one of those. The $100,000 car? Need two of them. Anyone who might have what you don't? They must be torn down and destroyed. The latest example of that is the savaging the Goselin family is undergoing at the hands of the media. They are a family that is clearly in trouble that should be left alone to deal with it. TLC should pull the show from the air... but where would the fun be in that?

Anyway, do you agree with Pastor Shuler? Do we, as a nation, need to undergo a serious re-evaluation of our standards?

From where I stand, I'd have to say yes.

Defending my faith

2009-05-29T21:49:00.004-04:00

This has been niggling at the back of my mind since Easter.

As I was surfing other blogs, I came across one that said, in effect, that there was something wrong with Christians and their belief in a 'zombie Jesus' - no offense to anyone, of course.

I thought about replying that regardless of whether or not she meant to be offensive, there is no other way for a Christian to take a comment like 'zombie Jesus'. It is blatantly offensive.

As I was struggling to find a way to say what I wanted to say without being equally offensive, I decided it wasn't worth the effort.

Now, I am ashamed that I didn't stand up for my faith.

Christians these days have targets on their backs. It is considered perfectly fine to denegrate, cheapen, and dismiss our beliefs. It's everywhere - in the papers, in the movies, on television. Here's an example. It's just one; you can find many more:

I'm not sure what I can do but I do know one thing -

I plan on doing better the next time.

Faith... or the lack of it.

2009-05-28T09:43:00.003-04:00

Time for a confession.

I haven't done all that well on my daily reading. I got behind and then kept trying to get caught up, which made me even further behind.

I finally realized how silly it is. The point of the exercise, indeed the point of faith, is not keeping up to an arbitrary schedule. It is simply the daily inclusion of God in my life.

I am now back on track and those 'days' that I missed? I'll catch them next year.

Time for another confession, this one a bit more difficult.

I had a crisis of faith last night. Not the kind where I found myself question whether or not God exists. I don't think I'll ever have that kind of crisis. This was the 'why me, God?' kind of crisis.

Why, in spite of working hard and a life lived in service to others, do I find myself struggling so to make ends meet?

Why, in spite of being a 'good person', do others I deem less 'good' do better than I?

Why them and not me?

Well, the problem that took me to that dark place was 'magically' resolved today. And, just as magically, I can see things better.

The fault is not with God. It never is.

The fault is mine.

He has given me so much - a loving family, a good job, a home, and talent that I should trust in.

What have I done with it?

Nothing. Instead of thanking Him daily and deeply, I bitch and moan about how 'little' I have.

Today's lesson, then?

I have more than I should, more than I deserve given my attitude. If I fail it is my fault, not His.

He has faith in me. Now I need to have faith in Him.

He is Risen

2009-04-12T19:58:00.003-04:00

May God's blessings be your on this holiest of days.

Christianity and Killing

2009-02-24T00:56:00.003-05:00

Jesus was a man of peace and love. He preached it, he lived it, and he even died to save mankind.

I was talking with a friend a short bit ago and he asked me an interesting question - how do I, as a Christian, support war and killing?

It isn't an easy question because, ultimately, Christ would counsel us not to wage war and not to kill. I understand that.

I don't 'like' war; I don't think anyone does.

I do, however, think there are things worth fighting for. There are things worth dying for. And, there are things worth killing for.

If we do not fight to defend Christianity, there is the possibility that it will cease to exist except in secret little corners. I don't think that's what God wants. I think He expects us to defend ourselves, our homes, our country.

That answer didn't satisfy my friend and, in truth, it doesn't satisfy me. In truth, there is no easy answer to that question.

But, here's where he and I part company. I asked him a question:

If a police officer kills someone in the line of duty, does that act condemn him to hell for taking a life?

His answer was yes.

My answer is no.

My answer has to be no, of course. It has to do with my chosen field. And, I have come close to doing just that on one occasion. I'm lucky it has only been one. It answered a lot of questions for me. I know, without a doubt, that I could take a human life to protect others, to protect myself, and, ultimately, to protect my country.

Does that make me any less of a Christian than someone who wouldn't do any of those things?

Like I said - it isn't an easy question.

Life's Journey

2009-02-22T16:57:00.002-05:00

I am soon to be 50.

That fact, alone, doesn't bother me. Not really. My philosophy has always been if you're not getting older, you're getting dead. I'm not ready for the second option. Not yet.

But...

I've been viewing life in a different way lately. My life is unarguably more than half over. I feel like my journey has been on that dock above and that is now what I'm looking at. The end is in sight and there isn't a lot I can do about it.

So, how do I feel about that?

Comfortable, in a way.

Apprehensive, in another.

But, at the end of the day it is this simple:

I have lived my life in the best way I know how to.

Once I've reached the end of my dock, my journey is in God's hands.

And that is something I am completely comfortable with.

Troubling Thoughts

2009-02-15T16:32:00.002-05:00

We're a country in trouble.

We're a world in trouble.

There's no denying it and I'm not simply talking about economics.

We've lost our values, our common sense, our decency. All you need do is pick up a remote control and channel surf to see how bad it's getting. Trash and nothing but trash. It's everywhere.

I will admit it leaves me feeling lost and hopeless. I pray and I ponder and I do what I can to lead a better life. I want to be an example for the students I deal with on a daily basis but it's hard. My values don't seem to be their values. But, I continue to try.

Channel surfing the news channels also has me pondering one very deep subject.

The End Times.

There's a mad man in Iran who believes it is his responsibility to start a world war. He believes in what is called the 12th Imam sect of Islam. The 12th Imam is the Muslim messiah and when he returns from where he's been hiding since the 900's, peace will rule the Earth. The only problem is the fact that there has to be a war in order to bring him back. The mad man? The President of Iran.

Christianity is under attack. Again, all you need to do is pay attention to the news and you'll see evidence of it. Middle school students in California can't pray in school but they are expected to take part in a 'social studies unit' on Islam that requires them to adopt an Islamic name... and pray to Mecca while in class.

We watch while Israel is attacked and do/say little. When Israel responds, however, the talking heads heap scorn and criticism on them nonstop.

The inhumanity of man toward his fellow man is non-stop these days. Not long ago I read a story about a two-year-old boy that was beaten to death by his father on a back road in California. A car containing five full-grown adults - a volunteer fire fighter, his girlfriend, her grown son and his wife, plus a friend came upon the seen and did nothing. Five adults stood by and watched one man beat a child to death.

When did we stop caring?

How did we lose so much of our humanity?

Are these the end times?

I don't know.

I hope not...

But I'm beginning to wonder.

A Prayer for the Nation

2009-02-07T17:13:00.003-05:00

Billy Graham clearly walks with God. He has lived his entire life in service to the Lord, helping others find God. He's counseled presidents through the toughest times this nation has seen. He is, without a doubt, a man of faith, honor, and principal.

The following is attributed to Reverend Graham. I have no idea if that's the truth or another urban legend. Regardless, I think the prayer is dead-on and echoes a lot of my current doubts about the path we're on as a nation:

'Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance.. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!'

An interesting thought...

2009-01-25T16:24:00.002-05:00

I will admit this may very well be my way of letting myself off the hook, so to speak. It won't work, but still, the human mind tries, doesn't it? We dont' like struggling or feeling we're failing. At least, I don't, so I try to justify what I see as my failures.

I don't think that's the case here.

Here's the question of the day:

I'm not satisfied with my relationship with God. I don't think I trust Him enough nor do I turn to Him during those times when I should. I'm working on both but...

Does my being dissatisfied necessarily mean that God is dissatisfied?

I have no idea where the thought came from, but there it is.

Am I being too hard on myself?

Is my belief enough?

Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on myself and simply need to relax and let things be?

Now that's truly an interesting question.

An interesting breakthrough?

2009-01-24T13:40:00.003-05:00

I'm not so sure I should label it a break through but it's interesting, whatever it may be.

I have vertigo. When suffering an 'attack', my world becomes a rather scary place to be because the concrete givens aren't so concrete anymore. The floor tilts, the room spins, standing up becomes an exercise that takes all my concentration and effort. I wind up being exhausted even though I can't do much beyond sit still and watch the go by.

That's the background. Here's the insight:

I am less likely to turn my problems over to God when I need Him the most. I was going to say my trust wans but that's not it. I've never lost my trust. I lose my focus. I guess I could say I forget to trust and I allow myself to be inundated by whatever problem is vexing me at the time.

I need to stop doing that.

I need to remember to let go and trust.

Why is that so hard?

The Dardos Award

2009-01-24T12:54:00.003-05:00

My dear friend (and more than a minor inspiration for this blog) Bellezza has given me the Dardos Award. I am truly 'tickled pink' and deeply honored by her kindness. Here are the details:

The Dardos Award is in appreciation of the merits - culturally, literary and individually- of every blogger who expresses him/herself on his/her blog. The conditions are to:

Be tickled pink,

copy and paste the award picture to your blog,

write down the regulations,

link the blog who bestowed you the award,

and finally nominate 15 blogs for the award.

Now, I'm not sure I'll nominate 15 people, mainly because those I would nominate have already been picked (some more than once) but I'll give it a go:

Army Blogger Wife - She is a daily inspiration for me as she recounts her life as an army wife with three kids and a husband who is once again protecting us all in Iraq. I'm not at all sure I could cope as well as she does.

DesLily - I enjoy everything about this blog, especially her take on Hollywood and her friendships with the Kelleys. I've never met anyone quite that famous, Pat, and envy you for it!

Laura's Reading Reflections - I enjoy her reviews and, amazingly enough, she has me thinking about giving Jane Austen's Persuasion a try, even though Austen isn't my cup of tea.

Leafing Through Life - Megan has made her place a comfy spot to drop by and visit for a bit. I enjoy her reviews and the little slices of her life that she shares. Her 2008 Leafy Awards were a hoot and a clever way to wrap the year up.

Trish's Reading Nook - another comfy spot to drop in for a visit and I find her reviews one of my best sources to keep that TBR pile growing!

Well, not nearly 15 but each and everyone is from the heart! Thanks to all of you for being the bright spots you are!

My faith is in the name of the Lord...

2009-01-10T15:50:00.003-05:00

"And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?" (Matthew 6:30)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:6)

I worry constantly. I worry about all the normal, day-to-day things that bog us down - family, health, money. I also, due to the nature of my job, worry about other things, perhaps bigger things. I know things about people that I honestly wish I didn't. They are things that make it difficult for me to believe in the basic decency of people.

Reading the above words left me wondering - do I worry because my faith isn't strong enough? I try to turn my worries over to God. I try to trust but I spend way too many nights lying awake struggling with what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders.

The concept is clear. The desire is there. The question remains: How do I bridge the gap?

Trust in the Lord.

Okay. Lord, my life is in your hands.

Help me to remember that, each and every day.

Time with God

2009-01-02T18:35:00.002-05:00

I have made a commitment to spend time each day reading the Bible. I did so knowing it would help bring me closer to God and my faith. How could it not? When I've read the Bible in the past, the time spent has always lead to introspection which is exactly what I believe I need.

But, here's one of my problems:

On January 1st, I got into bed and thought about reading. I didn't. I was too tired... or so I told myself.

Too tired to spend a few quiet minutes growing closer to my faith, my beliefs, myself?

Too many easy excuses.

God is not an intrusion into my life. He is not an additional burden, just another thing that I feel obligated to to.

I'm going to try very hard to remember that.

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T16:03:00.001-05:00

I believe in Santa Claus.

Not in the jolly old elf in the red suit, of course.

No, I believe in the spirit of Santa Claus.

I believe in the simple joy in a child's face on Christmas morning. I believe in families gathering together to share the peace and joy with each other.

I believe in finding and giving just the right thing whenever I can.

Santa is not so much a person as he is a state of being. How nice would it be if that feeling, that simple joy, that love and peace we wish for each other at this time of year stayed with us for the entire year?

What a wonderful place this would be.

I also believe in that child.

The one born in a manager because there was no place for Him anywhere else. I believe in the hope He offers, as old-fashioned as that may be.

I also believe that the two - the spirit of Christmas we've invested in Santa and the simple promise given to us by the birth of that child - are not unrelated and we do better when we remember that.

For those of you experiencing sorrow, I wish solace. For those of you experiencing pain, I pray for comfort. For those in need, I pray that your needs be met.

But most of all...

Peace.

For us all.

A Baby Changes Everything

2008-12-21T00:44:00.002-05:00

I found the following video at The Bronze Blog:

And it got me thinking.

One small baby. Born under trying circumstances to say the least. Destined to live a life of hardship, trials, tribulations, and finally, a painful death.

It seems like so much for one small baby.

And it reminds me of exactly why I believe and what was sacrificed for my salvation.

One small baby.

Who changed the entire world.

Belief

2008-12-17T14:11:00.002-05:00

While I may struggle with my faith, I have never struggled with my belief.

My belief in God's Love.

My belief in my salvation.

My belief in the simple man who laid his life down so that I could experience it all.

I've read the following essay before but I have never seen it presented any better:

One Solitary Life

How amazing that one life turned out to be.

An apt description of the problem

2008-12-13T00:08:00.002-05:00

I started this with the intention of posting every couple of days. Now, it's been almost ten days and I'm struggling with what to say.

That sums things up, in a way.

I am struggling.

I am struggling with all those every day things that were never a problem before.

I am struggling with too many whys and not enough answers. The whys are, at times, basic and then they are, at other times, far too big for me to even contemplate fully. And, at times they are both basic and so complex they leave me feeling lost and without hope.

Here's an example:

Why, when I try hard to live my life right, when I have spent my adult life serving people by being in law enforcement, why can't I catch a break when it comes to something as simple as money? All I want is a little breathing room yet I can't seem to find it.

And then, there are those complex questions that no one has the answer to but seem to creep into my thoughts at times - why is there so much pain and hardship in the world? Why can't we just get along like God wants us to? Is it really that hard to believe it is what He wants?

The basic and complex ones are the ones that bother me the most and can be summed up by the Caylee Anthony situation. She's the little girl that went missing in Florida months ago. Today's news told us that they may have finally found her body in a swamp located half a mile from her home. It appears that she was bound and her mouth taped shut. The swamp is full of snakes. And every time I hear about this, my first thought is that I pray she was dead and safely in God's embrace before her body ended up in that horrible place. Why, if God truly loves us, do things like this happen? It's a simple question yet far too complex for me to answer.

So, I search for answers that I don't find and I wonder if maybe I'm not listening. Maybe my heart is not open enough to hear what I'm being told...

And the struggle continues for another day.

The journey begins

2008-12-04T19:32:00.000-05:00

I have no idea where this journey will lead me, nor do I know what I'm going to find along the way. All I know is I've been feeling a strange sort of compulsion to take it.

I was raised a Christian - a Lutheran to be exact. My parents made sure we went to Sunday School and attended the 'adult' service most of the time. I went through catechism and confirmation. It all seemed fairly standard to me. It was something kids did and their parents made sure they did.

Now, however, it seems to me that the things I was raised to believe in are under attack and I'm not just talking about in an Islamic radical way. God and Christianity seem to be falling by the wayside, replaced by something called 'spirituality', which seems to mean just about anything. Books, television, the movies are all attacking Christianity in some subtle and not so subtle ways. God doesn't seem all that welcomed in our society any more.

God is real to me. I believe He has a plan for my life and it is up to me to figure out what that plan is, to be open to His guidance. That doesn't mean I've been programmed to do or be anything. I also believe in free will. God did not create a world of wind up toys functioning only at His discretion, for His enjoyment. I believe He has given us an innate knowledge of right and wrong and He wants us to do the right thing. If we ask, He will guide us along the path we are supposed to be on. When we chose to ignore that guidance, we lose one of the most important things in our lives.

It's a comforting thought, for me, but I must admit that I have no idea if I'm on that path or not. I do not fault God for this but myself. I let too much come between God and myself. Too much white noise created by the chaos of life.

So, I'm on a journey to find myself and, more importantly, to find my relationship with God. I want to find that calm within the chaos that I know is there. I've seen it in others.

I only hope I can find it for myself.