What an amazing experience.

My silence here is a reflection of where things have been for me, faith-wise. I've been plugging along, not overly active, engaged, or excited about my journey. I've been one-day-at-a-timing it.

Then, today, I met spirituality in an unexpected place.

The specifics aren't really that important. It's the results that have left me in a far better place than I've been in a long time.

I feel like I've moved a step closer to understand myself, which can only lead to a deeper, more meaningful understand of my relationship with God.

I've said this before - my struggles with my faith are not cause by God; they are my fault. I firmly believe that and after today, I believe it even more.

Spiritually, I take too much on to myself. I want to spare my family and friends so I try to shoulder their pain and worries. As a result, I end up feeling beat down. But, their problems are not my burden to bear.

I need to cast off the negative energy and concentrate on my own journey.

But, today has led me to another question, or maybe it's the same question but refocused.

Is religion different from spirituality?

Today was an extremely spiritual day.

As I said, I at peace, energized and renewed.

I feel God's presence.

Whichever it was, if it even truly matters, it was an amazing experience and I'm sure God approves.

Role Models?

Pastor Bill Shuler, in an article over at the FOx Forum listed the following ten reason for why we are losing our role models:

1. Honorable people are sometimes demonized for taking a stand for morality and values in the public arena.

2. High profile scandals in sports, politics and religion have jaded us.

3. Fewer dads are present in the home.

4. For so many of us, success in our culture has been defined as fame, fortune and power.

5. Image often trumps character.

6. Indulgence replaces sacrifice.

7. Self-discipline is a less-practiced art.

8. Self-seeking is an over-practiced art.

9. Some find “family values” to be a political code word rather than an ideal to be embraced.

10. Good people with deep convictions remain silent.

Given my last post, I'd have to admit to being guilty of number 10. I hope I won't do it again and I'm going to try not to but that's the most I can say until I'm tested.

As for the rest, it's all pretty much true, isn't it? We've become a nation of whiney, self-indulgent people caught up on the image of what life should be like. That big house? Gotta have one of those. The $100,000 car? Need two of them. Anyone who might have what you don't? They must be torn down and destroyed. The latest example of that is the savaging the Goselin family is undergoing at the hands of the media. They are a family that is clearly in trouble that should be left alone to deal with it. TLC should pull the show from the air... but where would the fun be in that?

Anyway, do you agree with Pastor Shuler? Do we, as a nation, need to undergo a serious re-evaluation of our standards?

From where I stand, I'd have to say yes.

Defending my faith

This has been niggling at the back of my mind since Easter.

As I was surfing other blogs, I came across one that said, in effect, that there was something wrong with Christians and their belief in a 'zombie Jesus' - no offense to anyone, of course.

I thought about replying that regardless of whether or not she meant to be offensive, there is no other way for a Christian to take a comment like 'zombie Jesus'. It is blatantly offensive.

As I was struggling to find a way to say what I wanted to say without being equally offensive, I decided it wasn't worth the effort.

Now, I am ashamed that I didn't stand up for my faith.

Christians these days have targets on their backs. It is considered perfectly fine to denegrate, cheapen, and dismiss our beliefs. It's everywhere - in the papers, in the movies, on television. Here's an example. It's just one; you can find many more:



I'm not sure what I can do but I do know one thing -

I plan on doing better the next time.

Faith... or the lack of it.

Time for a confession.

I haven't done all that well on my daily reading. I got behind and then kept trying to get caught up, which made me even further behind.

I finally realized how silly it is. The point of the exercise, indeed the point of faith, is not keeping up to an arbitrary schedule. It is simply the daily inclusion of God in my life.

I am now back on track and those 'days' that I missed? I'll catch them next year.

Time for another confession, this one a bit more difficult.

I had a crisis of faith last night. Not the kind where I found myself question whether or not God exists. I don't think I'll ever have that kind of crisis. This was the 'why me, God?' kind of crisis.

Why, in spite of working hard and a life lived in service to others, do I find myself struggling so to make ends meet?

Why, in spite of being a 'good person', do others I deem less 'good' do better than I?

Why them and not me?

Well, the problem that took me to that dark place was 'magically' resolved today. And, just as magically, I can see things better.

The fault is not with God. It never is.

The fault is mine.

He has given me so much - a loving family, a good job, a home, and talent that I should trust in.

What have I done with it?

Nothing. Instead of thanking Him daily and deeply, I bitch and moan about how 'little' I have.

Today's lesson, then?

I have more than I should, more than I deserve given my attitude. If I fail it is my fault, not His.

He has faith in me. Now I need to have faith in Him.

He is Risen

May God's blessings be your on this holiest of days.

Christianity and Killing

Jesus was a man of peace and love. He preached it, he lived it, and he even died to save mankind.

I was talking with a friend a short bit ago and he asked me an interesting question - how do I, as a Christian, support war and killing?

It isn't an easy question because, ultimately, Christ would counsel us not to wage war and not to kill. I understand that.

I don't 'like' war; I don't think anyone does.

I do, however, think there are things worth fighting for. There are things worth dying for. And, there are things worth killing for.

If we do not fight to defend Christianity, there is the possibility that it will cease to exist except in secret little corners. I don't think that's what God wants. I think He expects us to defend ourselves, our homes, our country.

That answer didn't satisfy my friend and, in truth, it doesn't satisfy me. In truth, there is no easy answer to that question.

But, here's where he and I part company. I asked him a question:

If a police officer kills someone in the line of duty, does that act condemn him to hell for taking a life?

His answer was yes.

My answer is no.

My answer has to be no, of course. It has to do with my chosen field. And, I have come close to doing just that on one occasion. I'm lucky it has only been one. It answered a lot of questions for me. I know, without a doubt, that I could take a human life to protect others, to protect myself, and, ultimately, to protect my country.

Does that make me any less of a Christian than someone who wouldn't do any of those things?

Like I said - it isn't an easy question.

Life's Journey

I am soon to be 50.

That fact, alone, doesn't bother me. Not really. My philosophy has always been if you're not getting older, you're getting dead. I'm not ready for the second option. Not yet.

But...

I've been viewing life in a different way lately. My life is unarguably more than half over. I feel like my journey has been on that dock above and that is now what I'm looking at. The end is in sight and there isn't a lot I can do about it.

So, how do I feel about that?

Comfortable, in a way.

Apprehensive, in another.

But, at the end of the day it is this simple:

I have lived my life in the best way I know how to.

Once I've reached the end of my dock, my journey is in God's hands.

And that is something I am completely comfortable with.